Mar 10
Permalink

Shut up Meg

I really can’t take those new Jim Beam commercials seriously because I only hear Meg Griffin.

11
Mar 05
Permalink

I can explain

I called it CHINGY CHOPS for shits and giggles. It’s no Theme Hospital, but it will do for now. Seriously if someone has this game, add me because I am desperate for fake coins and fake ingredients to mix fake shampoos.

BITCHES LOVE BUSINESS SIMULATION GAMES.

23
Feb 28
Permalink

Fucking high school all over again

Please tell me if I am wrong.

Your close friend’s on again off again boyfriend/love of her life propositions you for sex and you politely decline, but when you attempt to raise her awareness to his douchebaggery, she FOBS YOU OFF and turns a blind eye.

Fast forward a week, said boyfriend tells you his suspicions of his best friend and your close friend. You advise him that you are not the person he should confront.

Fast forward another week, said boyfriend’s suspicions confirmed by his best friend. Your close friend suddenly denies all contact with you. As if you don’t exist. Is she annoyed? Angry? Embarrassed? Why?

I DON’T FUCKING KNOW.

12
Feb 24
Permalink

Anonymous asked: aw i miss your stories you post about your life.

I miss having a life.

13
Feb 18
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Feb 15
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It’s lunchtime

Walking into a sandwich bar and asking the guy for a “Manwich” without sounding like a total perv. It never gets any easier.

18
Feb 12
Permalink

A car worth breaking into

image

After work, I came across a car filled with what could only be described as happiness. Having already spent $20 too much on those wallet-raping Minion claw machines, I thought maybe it was time I put those skills I learnt from movies to good use and break into this motherfucker.

ANNNDDD…..that was pretty much as far as my train of thought got before mall security approached me and told me off of loitering. It reminded me of that time in school I got given detention for staring into my crush’s locker. And that time I stared at some donuts for too long and hit my head on the glass counter.

I should probably just stop staring at things I want.

28
Feb 09
Permalink

February 14

Already know what I’m getting this Valentines Day.

MY PERIOD.

45
Feb 07
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